Idioteque

Mofohomo

I want to be described with descriptions similar to those used to describe exquisite fragrances or trendy tunez:

“[Matt] is a glistening piece of pop confection,”

or

“Masculine intoxication. Exotic, fresh, and mysterious. [Matt] is just the extra boost of energy and confidence a man needs. [Matt] radiates sensuality and sophisticated warmth.”

I feel like this could be most easily and quickly achieved if I began my career as an advertised prostitute. Right? Thank god high school taught me something— GOAL SETTING.

EW!

Piss

I’m doing the most embarrassing Pee Dance ryt now.

Skinny Cow

I’m eating (sucking) this ice cream on a stick thing. I forget what those are called. And I keep making this popping noise with my mouth. And I’m embarrassing myself. I just thought I’d extend the embarassment.

Carz

I vigilantly monitor my odometer in order to capture any significant combination of numbers, such as most recently, 19999.

PS. I just looked at my phone and the photo got erased… Nevermind.

Corporate

I need everyone to start faxing me things to get my signature and sending me official e-mails with acronyms like ASAP and PS and stuff and giving me things to staple and correlate and file.